Stay If You Wanna Play

Hello world. It has been way too long, eh? :)

just some random photos heheh (Y)

I'm in ipoh! Hehehe this place is like an escape. I don't have to see any unwanted faces, don't have to deal with no shit. And everytime i'm here, i'll never go out of the house. Like a bird feeling all comfortable in its nest. BUT, stupid cousins are just so annoying they get on my nerves each time they open their mouth.

The first thing my cousin said to me when i arrived was, "eh hani, buat apa kat ipoh ni? mana wanteh (my mum)? dia tak balik sekali?" zzzzz bangang ke apa? they've been divorce for like 5 years and still my stupid cousin couldn't understand the fact that she's not gonna come here no more. Rub it in my face much?

I really need a break, a breather, an escape, whatever you may call it. I am so sick and tired. Too much things going on right now and it's not easy :(

Daddy is moving to Kuching right after raya. I'm reaaaaally sad. I'm gonna miss him. Most probably i'll be spending my semester break there. 

I've been coughing like a motherfucker. My throat is so dry! The doctor start me up on some strong drugs and now i'm high all the time zzzz. This doesn't sound right at all. Gonna hit gleneagles soon for a check up. Scary shit they're gonna put all kind of tubes down my throat and scan everything. Mati la :O

This is the part where i start to pour everything out;

I'm a total mess. Life is gonna give you shit, if you don't fight back, it's gonna suck you in and break you down. I believe that's how it goes. I've been through fuck loads of things and trust me, some of it are just down right unimaginable shit.

Please understand that it was just infatuation. Get over yourself and stop manipulating my mind, trying to make it seems like i'm the one to blame. You know what you did and don't ever think i know so little.

Few days back, my head completely shut down on me and i was left with this indecisive and weak heart. That's how i lost way. Then i turned to him, he's like Lucifer himself. That's how i lost myself. I just went against the grain.

Let the truth be told;

I've never felt so low in my life. Degraded. No one in particular to be blamed. It all happen when all the dramas and lies sum up together. Promised myself never to go down that road, but i did anyway. Now i can never get back to the place i was. I've let myself down so many times. I'm not capable of learning, keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. It has come to the point where my eyes can barely see what's in front of me.

I never had no luck. 2 years of heartache. I give up on my heart. There's no point putting myself out there again when i know it always end with tears.

Well, I've got some pretty awesome friends. They're like my support system. I know i could turn to them whenever. They're my diamonds and i'm gonna treasure it ;)

 xx.